Hey Moms!

It’s that time of year. You know what I’m talking about. The time when you place undue amounts of stress on yourself, hoping the shutter speed will be fast enough to catch your cherub (with just the right amount of blush in the cheeks) so you can show him/her off to the world. You plan meticulously, call every photographer within a 56 mile radius, stay up for hours the night before, making sure the baby is sleeping and when his big day comes…… you will stress yourself sick in an effort to get THE PERFECT PICTURE.

*Sigh* Okay, pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and listen to your Good Enough Mother. There is no perfect. I know you’ve heard that before. You may have even SAID it before. Now I want you to believe it! The thing is the entire outing will be less stressful if you don’t make the stakes so high.  With that in mind, here are three quick tips:

• Start with a well-rested baby: You already know this to be true, yet time and again we think about everything but the well-rested baby. We’re worried that we’ll lose the deposit on the studio, she won’t have another slot for months or the cherub will never be as cute as he or she is right now. Stop. Those are artificial deadlines. So what, the holiday pictures go out in February (I’ve done that). If the baby is rested and smiling, that’s a small price to pay.

• A well-rested mommy helps too!: You probably don’t need me to tell you, but when you’re fatigued the world is one, hot, smelly-diaper of a mess. I am not kidding! If you want an accurate idea of what the picture will look like, you’ve got to be able to see through more than blood shot eyes. Remember when everyone said, “Make sure you nap when the baby naps?” Do that!  Even if baby doesn't smile on cue, it will all be okay, because you’ll have your wits about you.

• There's no such thing as perfect:  You’ve heard that before? Well, allow me to reiterate it. Perfection only occurs in fairytales, where people have babies and are back in their straight-leg, size zero jeans in three weeks. This is real life; welcome to it. That means cranky babies, pimples on picture day or maybe both. So you have to punt. Yes, the photo may not be ideal, but when you look at it in its perfect frame you’ll remember what a great time you had when you relaxed and just let it be.  You can’t control bad weather or baby acne, and pretending that you can will only cause more stress for you and baby (then see what kind of photo that gets you).

My kids are a little bit older now, but ask me how many perfect photos I got when they were babies. Yep. Zero. But the memories I have of each one? Those are just right.

What’s your secret plan? How will you attempt to get a decent baby picture this holiday season?

By Evenflo Savvy Parenting Expert Rene Syler, founder of Good Enough Mother

I remember it like it was yesterday. Feeling like I was going to pass out as I was teaching a class full of five year olds. Wondering what in the world was going on with me and why I was feeling so “out of it”. Then finally putting two and two together, waiting five minutes to look at the stick, seeing the plus sign, CELEBRATION (and a little bit of fear along with it.) The next nine months were like a tornado full of doctors appointments, baby clothes, shopping, decorating and redecorating and baby showers. All the preparation, making sure we had EVERYTHING we would need the day we brought home our sweet baby, wrapped in a pink blanket. I was so ready for this new chapter of our lives, and just knew exactly how it was going to be!

Oh, how quickly I discovered that the picture in my head and everything I had thought it would be like to be a mommy and weave this little baby into our lives wasn’t wrong, but definitely was harder than I had anticipated. If there was any way I could somehow transport back to my pre-mama self and whisper a few things in her ear, I would definitely have some major insights!
 
whisper: "That wee little baby we are bringing home doesn't need all the "stuff" we collected for her over the 9 months we waited so impatiently for her arrival."

As soon as I found out we were expecting I started researching baby gear and furniture, everything had to be brand new and top of the line. My girl had to have the best of the best and she needed it all. I was so blessed with amazing baby showers and my newborn daughter had more newborn size dresses than Cinderella's closet (post glass slipper). Guess how many she wore. One. I just knew she would be wearing her special dresses every day. I was so wrong. Much to my mother's disappointment we were onesies and swaddle blankets all the way. She grew so quickly and before I knew it she was in 3 month clothes and most of those beautiful dresses ended up being donated or passed on to friends. Initially, newborns don't need very much, they want to be kept safe, full, warm, dry, and given lots of love. So much of the rest is just noise.

whisper: "You will never stop worrying."

I am by nature a worry wart; I worry about worrying. It's that bad. Throughout my pregnancy I worried about anything and everything. All I could think about was getting to that due date and holding my daughter in my arms, I thought that would be the big finish line. Then she would be here and everything would be perfect. Little did I know, that first night as my daughter dreamed sweetly on my chest, all I could do was worry about her. Worry about everything from is she getting enough to eat, my fear of SIDS, even worrying about when she goes to school and what if she is picked on, or what if she dates a boy that doesn't treat her the way she should be treated...the list just goes on and on. To this day I can not go to sleep without checking on both of my children (several times), squinting my eyes in the dark looking for that chest rising and falling. Worry, worry, worry...it will never go away.

whisper: “Time will slip away too quickly…enjoy every moment. Breathe them in because they are always changing and in the blink of an eye, off to preschool they go.”

I wish I could go back and freeze so many moments in time, especially those newborn moments. That stage is so unbelievably sweet and slips away all too quickly. Nights when I sat in the dark of the living room nursing my baby every two to three hours, in a sleepy haze. So many moments gone too quickly and not fully appreciated. Parenthood can be exhausting, but really, you will never get these moments back. Enjoy them. Love them. Remember them. Treasure them.

whisper: “Your child is their own person. As much as you want to make them what you want them to be, it is not going to happen.”

I have really had to come to this realization recently with my daughter, Ava. She is almost four and is just her own girl living in her own world. I have all these dreams and wishes for her, visions in my mind of things I hope she loves and accomplishes. Many of them things I loved and accomplished or wish I had accomplished. I find myself wishing her to be like me, and she is the polar opposite of everything I was when I was small. As she is growing up a bit, headed to pre-school this fall, I have had to face the reality that just because I want her to love something or do something or act a certain way doesn’t mean she will. I will love and support her because she is her own amazing little person, and she will grow and fall in love with her own dreams.

whisper: "Every day you are going to be faced with a new challenge."

Never in a million years did I ever think being a parent would be this challenging. I knew it wasn't always going to be easy, but every day I feel like my children are throwing something new at me. Just a few examples for you: When they were infants it was figuring out how to get them to sleep for more than an hour or two straight. What in the world could we wrap them in or lay them on or what music could we play to get them to stay asleep? As they hit the toddler stage it becomes all about safety. You childproof your cabinets and within days your one year old is prying them open. Toddlers are quick and into or climbing onto everything. Then you hit two and learn that there is just no way to reason with a two year old! How do you get them to eat their veggies when grama keeps bringing over m&m’s and that is all they want! How to get them in their own bed and how to get them to stay in their own bed. And as we are headed to four with our oldest we have already been presented with so many challenges.  Any time we figure out an answer or solution, we feel like super man and wonder woman! It feels so good to know that we have solved another puzzle or figured out some mystery and are making things work for our family and our children.

whisper: "You are going to find out what love really is when you hold this child in your arms."

By guest blogger from Real Moms Real Views

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "Imitation is the biggest form of flattery.”  Well, it’s not so flattering when you're two year old "imitates" that bad word you just said.  Even when you think they aren't watching or listening, your kids pick up on everything that is being said or done.  The earlier you learn this, the better.

We've unfortunately slipped a few times and said words that we would not like Evan to repeat.  Of course, he decided to repeat those words and used them in a sentence perfectly.    We then had to explain to him that those words are very ugly and Mommy and Daddy shouldn't say them anymore.
 
I'm sure anyone with a toddler or preschool-aged child can provide multiple stories of the things that their child said or did as a result of learning from mommy or daddy.  We all learn a little too late that we are our child's biggest teacher and we need to show them how to act.
 
Always think about how you would feel if your child repeated something you did or said before acting.  Try to display all of the positive values that you want them to learn such as generosity and forgiveness.  When you do slip, be sure to let them know that you were wrong and made a mistake.  Our kids won't turn out perfectly, but the best way to teach them is to lead by example.

From guest blogger, Dee, Two of a Kind

I remember well-meaning friends who encouraged me to sleep as much as I could during my pregnancy...as if anything could prepare me for the years of sleep deprivation that go hand in hand with becoming a parent. Parenting a child is exhausting...mentally...physically...emotionally. But it's also one of the most rewarding aspects of my life.

There are a several parenting philosophies, many of which directly correspond to their sleep approach. Because my husband and I practice attachment parenting, our philosophy on sleep may differ from the norm. Here are some of our tried and true methods for getting all of us a good night's sleep.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel - I strive to maintain perspective by looking at the bigger picture when it comes to parenting. Each stage is short-lived, and before you know it, your infant is a walking, talking toddler. While sleep deprivation is serious with potentially negative consequences, it's temporary. Keeping that little fact in the back of my mind was just one way I dealt with the emotional side of sleep deprivation.

Defining "Sleeping Through the Night" - Once I achieved a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep, I felt like we had reached a milestone. That is because both of my children woke up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours in those first few weeks of life. Sleeping through the night can mean one 5 hour stretch to one mother and a full 8 hours of synchronized sleep for another. How long a baby sleeps is also related to whether a baby is breast or bottle feeding. Typically, bottle-fed babies sleep through the night earlier than breast-fed babies and sleep for longer stretches. It's important to define and set realistic goals about sleep, ideally during pregnancy, so that you are prepared with a plan once the baby is born.

To Co-sleep or Not to Co-sleep? - I've spoken to families who slept better when they co-slept and families who could not sleep while they co-slept. I will say that neither I, nor my children slept well when they were in their cribs. We found that it worked best to co-sleep safely because that is how we achieved the most amount of sleep, particularly when I was nursing. Co-sleeping is a very personal decision and one that families should make with guidance from their pediatrician.

Follow Your Child's Cues - Temperament and personality have more to do with sleep than you would think. Some babies like to be rocked, patted, or swung while others are content to nurse or suck on a pacifier to go to sleep. Very quickly, you'll determine what does and doesn't work for your child. While there are some very informative books on the market about the subject, remember to follow your child's cues first.

Set Realistic Expectations - I can't tell you how many times I was told by well-meaning parents how their baby was sleeping through the night by 6 or 8 weeks old. Fortunately, I did my own research and confirmed what I had learned about infant growth and development as an RN. Physiologically, an infant is not capable of sleeping through the night until 3-6 months of age. Knowing that little fact helped me understand and anticipate my children's awakenings.

Foster a Healthy Sleep Environment - Sleep is the time when the body repairs itself and rejuvenates for the day ahead. I want my children to embrace sleep, rather than fight it or be afraid of it. My husband and I routinely survey our son's room to ensure that it is dark, quiet, and free from distractions. We also strive to convey sleep as a positive experience.

For some babies and toddlers, music or white noise and a small night light can provide the security a child needs to sleep restfully. Experiment to determine what works best for you and your child.

Create a Healthy Sleep Routine - Unless we're out, our sleep routine is the same. Dinner, downtime, baths/toothbrushing, stories, hugs, and tucking in with Mr. Bear and my son's favorite blanket. Sometimes, when we're in a rush, we'll try to skip a step. But my son thrives on that routine and reminds us that we've forgotten something. When it's done right, my son happily goes to sleep, stating, "I'll see you in the morning Mommy."

Stay Consistent - Every night, we aim to get my son upstairs in his bed at 8:00 pm. On those nights when we're out and my son is ready to go to sleep, it shows in his behavior. That is because his body is accustomed to going to sleep at the same time each night. The same is true for his wake-up time; thus the importance of being consistent with his sleep times.

Be Patient - It takes much longer to help your child learn to sleep than it does to say goodnight and let your child figure it out on his own (aka the "cry it out" method). Sleep is just one of the many lessons you'll teach your child. And just like teaching your child to read or ride a bike, it takes patience, time, and love.

Ask for Help! - I had the advantage of living close to my parents when my son was an infant. Once my husband had exhausted his vacation time and returned to work, I wasn't shy about eliciting the help of friends and family members so I could rest. You would be surprised at how willing people are to help you if you just ask.

Sleep is the foundation for mental, physical, and emotional health.  I hope these tips serve as a starting point for helping you teach your child healthy sleep habits. 

By guest blogger, Caryn Baily, Rockinmama

Before you have children, no one tells you about all of the stress that comes with be ing a parent.  It starts as soon as you find out you're pregnant.  You get all of those pregnancy books that soon open your eyes to all that can possibly go wrong with this new life that you're carrying.  Knowledge can be a dangerous thing and you soon become a huge worry wart.

That stress never really goes away.  The baby is born and as a first time parent, you want to try and make it where they don't cry.  That is not always so easy.  My son cried almost all the time because he had reflux and other craziness that we had to get under control.  

I remember sitting there and crying with him when he was a few days old.  I was a basket of nerves and as a mom, I wanted to be able to make my baby stop crying.  I didn't even want visitors because I felt they would think I was a huge failure.  It seemed like my mom could get him to stop crying easier than I could.

I had a huge "ah ha" moment when he was about a month old.  We were in a restaurant and he was crying-again.  I could feel my stress level rise and I was frantically trying to do everything I could to make him stop.  I just *knew* he was annoying everyone.  

Someone that I was sitting with(maybe my mom-I'm not sure because I was too busy freaking out) told me to calm down and look around.  What I saw is that no one was looking at us.  They were all enjoying their meal and no one was paying any attention to my baby crying.  As soon as I quit trying to make him stop crying-he did.

Someone once told me that babies can sense stress and this makes them even more upset.  I'm not really sure why I never listened to them(or believed them), but they were right.  Don't get me wrong, Evan still cried-a lot, but I learned to start laughing it off.  The reason my mom could get him to calm down easier than I could is that she didn't let the crying get to her or worry about how his crying was affecting other people.  At first, all I could think is that other people thought my baby was annoying.  That isn't the case-people know babies cry and are OK with it.  As soon as *I* learned to be OK with the fact that he cried, I could get him to calm down pretty quickly.  

I learned not to worry so much about my baby crying, but to just enjoy him and give him lots of love.  My daughter didn't cry as much as my son, but when she did, I was sure to not let it get to me and make her even more upset.

By guest blogger Dee of http://www.twoofakindworkingonafullhouse.com