I grew up in Ohio and moved to California for big adventure and a change of pace. Well, I got it. I married Alec, who hails from Boston, and within a year had a baby and set up house thousands of miles from my family.  Not just any baby, but a baby who cried. And woke up in the middle of the night. (Who knew?)

I like living in California. I moved out here a dozen years ago imagining I’d only be here for four; but look what happened to me: I made friends, built a career, fell in love, made some babies, and bought a house. We aren’t going anywhere.

As much as love our network of friends and favorite places (the parks, schools, weather), I miss having extended family around to pitch in. 

When I look across town at my pal Whitney, I see a whole world of support from parents, in-laws, and step-parents all within a five-hour drive. If they each visited monthly, she’d be able to date her husband every weekend with nary a babysitter bill.  And our friend Erin? Her in-laws live next door.

For my nuclear family, every vacation means flying across the country.

The grandparents barely know our kids. They don’t attend birthday parties or take the kids shopping for big boy undies. When they do visit, they don’t know how to help. They are guests in our home, so they don’t take initiative with meals or outings. To me, having a grandparent visit is like taking on another pair of children!

Kvetching aside (wait a second -- I didn’t even tell you how much it costs a family of four to fly cross-country for Christmas!) my husband and I are solutions-oriented people. We have figured out how to squeeze in as many date nights as possible with an extravagant babysitting budget that we’ve grown to believe is simply worth it. We plan our grocery shopping and cooking and lunch-packing with military precision because ain’t nobody gonna step in and cover for us if we miss a step. We even find time to enjoy mindless TV and video games because we have mastered the art of putting the children, ages 3 and 5, to bed before 7.30 pm.

Sure, we miss extended family dinners and the pleasure of knowing that a daytime “babysitter” is building a relationship with our children rather than earning a few bucks. But I think we got it covered.

By Guest Blogger Heather from Rookie Moms

For months my husband and I had conversations about the "right time" to add to our family.  My first excuse was that our little boy was still a baby and I wanted more time with him.  Subsequent excuses included financial freedom, career advancement and even a clean house.  Alas, the decision was made when one day, that little plus sign changed our lives once again.  The truth is, I was scared to add a second child to the mix.  I didn't grow up with siblings and I had no idea if my time management and organization skills could handle a second child.  Couple that with experienced mothers who'd advised me that adding a second child was more than twice the work, and I was convinced that if the decision had been left up to me, we may never have added to our family.  It's been one year, and I can honestly say that I've finally reached a point where the days when things go right far outnumber the days when they don't.  And I'll venture to say that my two sweet children have captured my heart so completely, that I may even think about adding a third to the mix.  So how did we manage to survive a year with an infant and a toddler while maintaining our sanity?

Get organized.  My experienced mom friends weren't exaggerating when they said that two is more than double the amount of work.  The closer the children are in age, the more difficult it will be...for a time.  Getting and staying organized will help alleviate the busyness of this time.  Whether it's maintaining an online calendar to keep track of schedules or simply starting a routine to pick up at the end of the night, organization decreases stress, frustration and chaos.  Setting goals for the day also helps to keep us organized and productive. 

Don't sweat the small stuff.  It wasn't until my daughter was born that I realized how much time and energy were wasted on things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life.  A night of staying up too late, a rainy day spent indoors with the television, and a meal without veggies won't negatively affect a child's well-being.  I've slowly learned those things that are worth reacting to and those that are not.

Prioritize what's important.  It's amazing how time can fly or stand still from one moment to the next. When I look at my 3 1/2 year old son, I wonder how my sweet tiny baby became this spirited little boy.  At the same time, those days of sleeplessness, potty training, and tantrums seem like an eternity.  Because there is only one of me and a finite number of hours in the day, I've learned to focus on those things that are important in that moment. Whether it's putting aside the dishes to comfort my toddler or spending the day at the park instead of doing chores, I've learned to relinquish the guilt of failing to complete the little things that are relatively unimportant. 

Seek Support.  I can't count the number of tears I've shed out of fear, frustration, or discouragement.  It's in those moments when I feel like a failure that I need the support of my husband, my best friends, and my mom the most.  Elicit a few good friends or family members that you feel comfortable sharing, venting, and seeking support and advice from.  You can also join a local mom's club. 

Equip yourself with tools from the past.  In some ways, the second child is easier.  You know when to call the doctor and when you can treat your child at home.  You've developed your discipline style and have experience with sleep and potty training.  Make use of those experiences to guide your parenting, while recognizing that each child is unique and may need a varied approach. 

Take a break.  Parenting is a 24 hour responsibility.  It's ok to admit that you're emotionally and physically exhausted.  When I find my patience wearing thin or my mood becoming irritable, it's time to refuel.  My husband and I work together to give each other a little extra sleep, some alone time, or a night out with friends. 

Remember that it will get better. As I look back on the past year, I've seen a change...a growth and maturity in my son.  He's less of a baby and more like a child and his actions are reflective of that. 

By Guest Blogger Caryn from Rockin Mama

Thinking about getting a dog?

Children and dogs go together like peanut butter and jelly. And for mom and dad it’s a big gooey mess. We recently got a new dog, a chocolate lab and boy is she precious, but I wasn’t sure I was going to survive those first few weeks.

Having an untrained puppy is like having a newborn all over again. You have to get up in the middle of the night and let them out so they don’t have an accident, unless you are crate training them and then well, be prepared to be giving the dog a bath and wash the crate. The accidents drove me crazy, the kids yelling, “she bite me mommy” drove me crazy, the kids stepping in the P drove me crazy, having to walk her when the kids hate walking drove me crazy. I felt like I was herding a bunch of cats because every one of my three children (the third being the dog) was going in a different direction and we weren’t making any progress on the walk. Every activity involving all of them felt like this, come to think about it.

Now that I’ve convinced you to not get a dog with toddlers, let me tell you how to handle getting a dog with toddlers.

One, pick out a smart dog, certain breeds are smarter than others and learn faster. Do your research.

Two, pick out a family breed, certain breeds are more family friendly than others. Know what your dog’s purpose is going to be. We wanted an active family dog, so we got a chocolate lab, they are gentle, large smart dogs that learn quickly and protect their family.

Three, train the dog and not the kids. This was my vet’s advice. He said it would be much quicker to train the dog, that she is a dog and that the kids are not her playmates instead of teaching the kids. I still have to keep them from pulling her body parts, dragging her across the room, and playing tug of war. One way to teach the dog that the kids are more important is to keep her off of the couch when the kids are on it. She learns that she is at the bottom of the pecking order and this is an important lesson for her to learn.

Four, don’t give up on your dog in the first three weeks. I wanted to, but I survived and so can you. Once you get past the first six months (depending on the breed it can be soooner) it's peanut butter and jelly!

By Guest Blogger Louise Bishop from MomStart.com

I'm sure you've heard the phrase "Imitation is the biggest form of flattery.”  Well, it’s not so flattering when you're two year old "imitates" that bad word you just said.  Even when you think they aren't watching or listening, your kids pick up on everything that is being said or done.  The earlier you learn this, the better.

We've unfortunately slipped a few times and said words that we would not like Evan to repeat.  Of course, he decided to repeat those words and used them in a sentence perfectly.    We then had to explain to him that those words are very ugly and Mommy and Daddy shouldn't say them anymore.
 
I'm sure anyone with a toddler or preschool-aged child can provide multiple stories of the things that their child said or did as a result of learning from mommy or daddy.  We all learn a little too late that we are our child's biggest teacher and we need to show them how to act.
 
Always think about how you would feel if your child repeated something you did or said before acting.  Try to display all of the positive values that you want them to learn such as generosity and forgiveness.  When you do slip, be sure to let them know that you were wrong and made a mistake.  Our kids won't turn out perfectly, but the best way to teach them is to lead by example.

From guest blogger, Dee, Two of a Kind

I remember well-meaning friends who encouraged me to sleep as much as I could during my pregnancy...as if anything could prepare me for the years of sleep deprivation that go hand in hand with becoming a parent. Parenting a child is exhausting...mentally...physically...emotionally. But it's also one of the most rewarding aspects of my life.

There are a several parenting philosophies, many of which directly correspond to their sleep approach. Because my husband and I practice attachment parenting, our philosophy on sleep may differ from the norm. Here are some of our tried and true methods for getting all of us a good night's sleep.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel - I strive to maintain perspective by looking at the bigger picture when it comes to parenting. Each stage is short-lived, and before you know it, your infant is a walking, talking toddler. While sleep deprivation is serious with potentially negative consequences, it's temporary. Keeping that little fact in the back of my mind was just one way I dealt with the emotional side of sleep deprivation.

Defining "Sleeping Through the Night" - Once I achieved a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep, I felt like we had reached a milestone. That is because both of my children woke up every 1 1/2 to 2 hours in those first few weeks of life. Sleeping through the night can mean one 5 hour stretch to one mother and a full 8 hours of synchronized sleep for another. How long a baby sleeps is also related to whether a baby is breast or bottle feeding. Typically, bottle-fed babies sleep through the night earlier than breast-fed babies and sleep for longer stretches. It's important to define and set realistic goals about sleep, ideally during pregnancy, so that you are prepared with a plan once the baby is born.

To Co-sleep or Not to Co-sleep? - I've spoken to families who slept better when they co-slept and families who could not sleep while they co-slept. I will say that neither I, nor my children slept well when they were in their cribs. We found that it worked best to co-sleep safely because that is how we achieved the most amount of sleep, particularly when I was nursing. Co-sleeping is a very personal decision and one that families should make with guidance from their pediatrician.

Follow Your Child's Cues - Temperament and personality have more to do with sleep than you would think. Some babies like to be rocked, patted, or swung while others are content to nurse or suck on a pacifier to go to sleep. Very quickly, you'll determine what does and doesn't work for your child. While there are some very informative books on the market about the subject, remember to follow your child's cues first.

Set Realistic Expectations - I can't tell you how many times I was told by well-meaning parents how their baby was sleeping through the night by 6 or 8 weeks old. Fortunately, I did my own research and confirmed what I had learned about infant growth and development as an RN. Physiologically, an infant is not capable of sleeping through the night until 3-6 months of age. Knowing that little fact helped me understand and anticipate my children's awakenings.

Foster a Healthy Sleep Environment - Sleep is the time when the body repairs itself and rejuvenates for the day ahead. I want my children to embrace sleep, rather than fight it or be afraid of it. My husband and I routinely survey our son's room to ensure that it is dark, quiet, and free from distractions. We also strive to convey sleep as a positive experience.

For some babies and toddlers, music or white noise and a small night light can provide the security a child needs to sleep restfully. Experiment to determine what works best for you and your child.

Create a Healthy Sleep Routine - Unless we're out, our sleep routine is the same. Dinner, downtime, baths/toothbrushing, stories, hugs, and tucking in with Mr. Bear and my son's favorite blanket. Sometimes, when we're in a rush, we'll try to skip a step. But my son thrives on that routine and reminds us that we've forgotten something. When it's done right, my son happily goes to sleep, stating, "I'll see you in the morning Mommy."

Stay Consistent - Every night, we aim to get my son upstairs in his bed at 8:00 pm. On those nights when we're out and my son is ready to go to sleep, it shows in his behavior. That is because his body is accustomed to going to sleep at the same time each night. The same is true for his wake-up time; thus the importance of being consistent with his sleep times.

Be Patient - It takes much longer to help your child learn to sleep than it does to say goodnight and let your child figure it out on his own (aka the "cry it out" method). Sleep is just one of the many lessons you'll teach your child. And just like teaching your child to read or ride a bike, it takes patience, time, and love.

Ask for Help! - I had the advantage of living close to my parents when my son was an infant. Once my husband had exhausted his vacation time and returned to work, I wasn't shy about eliciting the help of friends and family members so I could rest. You would be surprised at how willing people are to help you if you just ask.

Sleep is the foundation for mental, physical, and emotional health.  I hope these tips serve as a starting point for helping you teach your child healthy sleep habits. 

By guest blogger, Caryn Baily, Rockinmama

Most of the time when it comes to young children, all I hear from other parents is that their children will not eat and what good little eaters they think my children are.  All I can think is the opposite; how I wish that my children would leave food on their plates from time to time.

My children have always been on the upper end of the weight percentile and it has been a constant struggle to get them to stop thinking about food. This is a difficult topic for me to share, but I want to share it, so that other parents struggling with children that love to eat may have somewhere to turn.

First serve healthy food only. My kids do love food, but vegetables can be a difficult subject in our house just like any other house. When one of my children wants seconds on the part of the meal they liked, I won’t let them have it until they eat their veggies. Sometimes it works and other times they just decide they are full and ask to be excused from the table. I believe children either eat what I make or they don’t eat that night, I will not make them something different. This can be hard when your children make you feel like you are torturing them, but if you are serious about having them eat healthy, they will not go hungry. They will eventually eat what you put in front of them, so make sure it’s a healthy option.

Never use food as punishment or as a reward. Using food in this way will create an emotional attachment to food giving them a need that needs to be fulfilled that will only be fulfilled by food. Distraction would be a better method rather than punishment. We have to find ways to get our kids thinking about playing rather than eating.

Portion control is just as important for children as it is for adults. Using small plates and a tablespoon of each food group for each age of life for toddlers is a good way to measure serving sizes.

Exercise is actually an area in my family that needs improvement on and I would love any advice. I try to be a good example to my children and I run and play games with them outside. I even encourage them to go outside and play in the rain, but one of my children just loves to find any activity that involves sitting and I’m at a loss as to what to do other than dragging them around. I’m thinking of signing them up for sports. What would you do?

By guest blogger, Louise Bishop, MomStart

For most parents, child care is sought out because of necessity. I didn't realize how important and complicated the process was until we were knee-deep in reference checks and interviews.  Whether it's a 9-5 job or simply a much needed date night, finding the right person or entity to take care of your child is an important process.

Determine your needs.  If you will require 30-40 hours per week of child care, it might be wise to consider a preschool or child care center with an organized program.  On the contrary, if your child care needs are sporadic or flexible, an occasional baby sitter might be more appropriate.  Sitting down to discuss or write down your exact child care needs will help focus and guide your efforts to find the solution.

Do your homework.  Does the preschool you're looking to place your child in follow state-mandated ratios? Have you completed a background check on the nanny you're looking to hire? Does the teenager you're speaking to about babysitting for the occasional night out have experience taking care of infants, todd

lers, or preschoolers?  Be sure to research your options carefully so that your child is cared for in a safe, healthy, loving environment.

Be cost conscious. With pencil in hand, calculate the true cost of child care versus the amount of money you'll earn from employment.  For some families, full-time child care, particularly for more than one child, may negate the earning potential of one parent.  Evaluate your budget and determine if other cost-saving measures can be implemented so one parent can stay home if desired.

Go with your instincts.  Sometimes, I'll meet someone and we'll click, a friendship developing almost instantly.  Other times, a connection is just not meant to be.  Give yourself the time and the freedom to interview and meet with several facilities and potential child care providers.  If you're undecided, take some time to think over the situation and plan to meet again.

Get recommendations.  For six months, we employed a part-time

nanny, recommended by a fellow mom at the playgroup our children attended.  Friends, family, neighbors, and fellow parents can serve as a resource for a nanny who may be looking for additional hours, a local preschool you may not know about, or a fabulous home day care program.

Schedule a trial.  During the interview process, I scheduled a trial day with the nanny to observe how she interacted with my son and how my son responded to her.  Similarly, many preschools and formal day care programs will allow a trial day to help make a decision about the facility.  This is your time to observe child/provider interactions, routines, cleanliness, and more.

Entrusting your child to another is a difficult decision.  As a parent, I want to find someone who I trust will care for my children in much the same way I would.  After I've spent time researching the right option, I have to trust that I've made the best decision possible.  Knowing that my son's preschool has an open door policy assures me that at any moment, I can drive the short distance to his school to check in.  Surprisingly, I've yet to feel compelled to do so; hence I know that he's in good hands.

By guest blogger, Caryn Baily, Rockinmama

Throwing a great play date should not be a cause for stress in your life. They are simple, fun and exhausting but worth every minute of it when your child has a great time. Plus, inviting other kids over means that there will be other adults and we all need a good amount of adult conversation to make us feel like more than a parent. So here are a few of my tips:

Feel Free to set some ground rules. I’ve been very fortunate about kids playing at my house. I do however make sure that one rule is followed and that is No Food On the Carpet. It is your house and your rules should be followed by all of the children and other parents.

Set up a start time and an end time that meets the requirements of your child. My kids still take naps, and altering their nap schedule always results in a nightmare of an evening. So feel confident in telling people it’s time to go home.

Offer snacks and let other parents bring some too. Kids are supposed to eat about every 3 hours so more than likely they will need a snack while they are inside your house. I like to have a variety of healthy snacks: applesauce, carrots, and other types of fruit and vegetables. I don’t ever ask for others to bring snacks but if they offer I tell them to bring whatever they want. There isn’t anything wrong with asking everyone to bring something, by doing that you’ll ensure there is plenty to go around.

Be flexible and prepared for anything. In my house we joke that if something didn’t break then it wasn’t a successful play date. Put away things that are important to you or your children because if it is out and in the reach of another child it will be played with. Not all parents parent the same way. Be prepared for children to behave inappropriately and use the opportunity to tell your children that just because your friend did this behavior does not mean that you do.

Have a plan. Most play dates will be just fine as kids love playing with

other children’s toys. But if you’re planning an all-day event, be prepared to shake it up a little bit. You might want to consider having supplies for a craft that is age appropriate for your little guests or have a list of game ideas on hand and if the weather is nice move to the back yard for some outdoor play.

What are your Play Date Tips?

By guest blogger, Louise Bishop, MomStart

Since my extended family lives so far away, the holidays always mean we get to spend a full travel day on either side of a visit. Speaking of lessons learned the hard way, I have had my fair share of air travel experiences and would like to impart my wisdom with you so that you can make all of your own mistakes!

Always bring enough diapers. During a flight, conventional wisdom might tell you to be spare in your packing or that your child only uses four diapers in a normal day. Well, flying days are not normal days. I suggest you pack one diaper per hour of travel time. Better safe than sorry. Trust me.

Pack the right toys. You want to have enough activities and toys to entertain your children but not so many that you bring a separate suitcase.  Multi-use toys are good. Games without pieces (like I spy or “what’s that in the SkyMall catalog”) are awesome. Toys that look like a bomb-making kit (play doh and some bendy wires for instance) are bad. See Debbie at DeliciousBaby and her fantastic travel toy ideas to spur your thinking.

Expect the unexpected. What’s unexpected? Earaches, teething, and crankiness in your otherwise-healthy child (so pack baby pain relief); pee accidents or spills from your potty-trained four year old (so pack pull-ups and jammie bottoms as back-ups); reading a magazine or napping for you (sorry, can’t help ya!)

Bribe the people sitting around you. Dole out apologies and free drinks in advance.

By realigning your expectations that the travel day is a means to an end -- an adventure to endure -- you are more likely to be pleased when there are only 3 crying fits and one missed nap rather than stressed-out.

By Heather from rookiemoms.com

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Heather and Whitney blog frequently at rookiemoms.com (always more fun than wiping someone’s tushy!) and 510families.com (more fun with kids in the East Bay). They love taking trips and eating dark chocolate.

I wish I could get someone else to potty train my child. There. I said it. It might be my very least favorite part of parenting. I’m so grateful that the peer pressure potty training technique of my sons’ preschool has been so successful. It seems that nothing can motivate a toddler like the opportunity to sit on the potty with his friends – AT THE SAME TIME IN THE SAME ROOM! Placing three little bums on three little potties in a row is genius in my book.

If only the preschool staff made house-calls to deal with the overnight situations or the out-and-about errands. Oh well, I guess I have to conquer some of these tasks on my own.

Here are 5 universal truths about potty training I’ve gleaned from my half-hearted participation in the toilet education of my own children.

You can lead a toddler to the toilet, but you can’t make her pee.
Yes, I have observed that children do it when they’re ready. It will never be on my own time-table, and I’m a control freak, so this one really hurts

When you ask, “Do you have to pee?” most children will lie to you.

I have asked this very question seconds before my child has wet himself in the car seat and on the couch. Ugh and ugh.

Sweatpants are your friend.
For quick potty runs, it helps toddlers to have pants they can pull up and down on their own-- and quickly.

Candy and stickers will only get you so far.
I am not above bribing my child for the desired result, although I do think we need to be careful not to throw a parade for every deposit in the toilet. (When does it end?  Will they ask their Kindergarten teachers for M&Ms? Their college roommates?) Wishing for a one-size-fits-all approach, I have been dis

appointed to learn that some personality types love the sticker chart and candy bribes while others could care less.

The range of normal is broad.
Wondering when your child will stop needing diapers at night? I just learned that between age 3 and 7 is considered normal. That’s pretty wide open, but should offer you some comfort if you find yourself tossing a package of pull-ups into your shopping cart for the same kid who correctly read “Gun Show Coming Soon” from a highway billboard

My only real tip after my battle-scarred journey down the potty training path is to offer opportunity and don’t force the issue. Children can smell your anxiety and pressure and they rebel against it.

Do you have any tips or lessons learned to share?

By Heather from rookiemoms.com

[photo credit: Child Care Learning, Ontario]